Catching the train in the morning to go to work is seriously
one of the worst moments of my day. Not only am I tired, grumpy and yet to have
my caffeine fix, I am also secretly wishing I could have stayed in bed all day
and still somehow make enough money to pay my rent. I sometimes even try to
convince my cat that she should go to work for me, or that we can swap bodies
so that she can go as me and I can stay at home sleeping
and licking my butt all day.
Of course Bella is a lazy bitch and glares at me over this
proposition. She too doesn't even want to think about the horrors of travelling
an hour and thirty minutes just to get to the bus station and then walking up a
nasty hill to get to my cosy air-conditioned office. That is just way too much
for her (and me) to even contemplate.
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And so it begins. After a lovely almost-3-week break I am
back to the horrors of public transport once more. I have considered driving
into work of course, but sitting in peak hour, back-to-back traffic with people
who can’t drive and not being able to read my emails and update my Facebook
status (legally) seems almost worse to me than being squashed by a sweaty fat
person on a peak hour train. Who knows, maybe my priorities are wrong or maybe
I just secretly like being squished J
I also have this paranoid, OCD thing where I need to get to
the train station on time so I can park behind the white line. The white line
was only recently painted as the train station I go to barely resembles a train
station and doesn't even have a car-park. But then the council decided that if
people are parking on the side of the road it might be a good idea to paint a
white line there. You know for all of those fuckers who think its ok to park in
the middle of the road and all. So I was pleased as punch to get to park behind
the white line this morning. I even managed to park my car relatively straight
which doesn't happen very often (damn you straight reverses!)
The train of course was its usual self-inflicting nightmare.
It was on time (strangely for once) so that was a bonus. But getting on I begin
to face the many horrors of public transport.
First up the train is pretty packed already and I don’t live
to many stations from the starting stop. Shows just how many people choose to
live out in whoop-whoop in low-cost affordable housing. I usually sit by the
door and then seriously regret this later when I have been almost sat on by
about three people before the ride is even over. Oh and the ones who step on my
feet (you know who you are!).
Today I decided to do this anyway and just accept the fact
that I may be sat on. I fired up my music and closed my eyes. I usually keep my
eyes closed the entire train ride so I can try to imagine myself anywhere but
on the stinky, overcrowded piece of metal that costs me an arm and a leg each
week (even with a student card.)
However today I made the mistake of sitting next to a rather
large woman. Not fat (at least not by society’s standards) but rather big.
Considering I have just lost over 10 kilos I am happy to say I can now fit
myself into the tiny little seats on the train without my butt cheeks ending up
on the seat next to me. Too bad I cannot say this for the majority of the
population who seem almost content to rub legs with their seat buddies on a
daily basis. So not cool.
Eventually I got used to the leg rubbing and accepted it as
I have to most days. Then the coughing started.
At first it was just one person coughing who sounded like
they had swallowed a lake and were trying to cough it back up. Maybe that’s a
bad analogy but you know what I mean- yucky, wet cough that sounds sticky and
gross and makes you start to think of all those virus movies. You know the
really bad one with Matt Damon where his wife coughed all over someone at the
airport and then suddenly the whole country was sick- yeah that one.
This is one thing that annoys me most about public transport
is people’s poor hygiene. So many people go to work sick as a dog which really
is just selfish as they are going to make other people sick and themselves
sicker in the process. This person on the train is a good example of this but
at least; it seemed she was covering her mouth.
I have been on so many trains where people cough without
covering their mouths. You look up expecting to see either a young bratty child
who hasn't learnt to cover their mouth or some dirty low life that couldn't care less. This is what you expect of a person who doesn't cover their mouth on
public transport but most times they look just like you and me- normal, in some
pretentious looking work attire.
Soon there were about three people coughing their highly
contagious; shoulda-stayed-in-bed coughs. I sigh and hope my immune system is
feeling up to it today.
Even with my music blaring I can still hear the conversation
of some bogan lady swearing and carrying on like they do. Usually bogans manage
to keep to the middle of the day trains as they usually don’t work and don’t
get up till lunchtime but today was of course the exception. One time I left
work early, as I was sick, to get a train back home and there was a young guy
on the train discussing a drug deal over the phone (and loudly). I have also
heard a woman speaking about wanting to kill her ex and something about getting
more Centrelink money. Sometimes I miss catching those middle of the day trains,
at least they were entertaining.
But the worst (for me) are the people who constantly move
and fidget. I was sitting next to this guy on the train one morning that would
not stop moving. First his feet and legs then he acted like he was going to get
up and then sat back down and started his strange mannerisms all over again. It
was pretty freaky sitting next to him I was waiting for him to have an aneurysm or something but no, he just wanted to wriggle and piss me off.
By the time the train was almost at the city I almost got
sat on once (I swear that’s a record!) Also only about three bags managed to
hit me in some way or another which I must say is another record.
As much as I hate public transport there are of course some
benefits. Not being stuck in traffic is one, being able to read, listen to
music and sort of relax is another. It is also much better for the environment
and of course great for the government who can charge copious amounts and know
that they can get away with it. “You wanna get to work sucker, you better pay
up. It might cost you a week’s wages but hey the economy needs it so suck it
up,” I can imagine them saying.
Eventually I will have the dream job of sitting on my arse
at home in front of my laptop, iPad, iPhone, PC or typewriter, selling my
stories for massive amounts of money.
Until then, this is life.
